What is Confidence?

Before we begin this quest for confidence, we must first understand exactly what confidence is…and, of course, what it is not. Some people, namely cynics, misconstrue the meaning of the word, leaving them unable to understand its potential.

Princeton defines the term as the “belief in yourself and your abilities.” I like this definition the most because it divides self-confidence into two parts: belief in who you are as a person and belief in what you can do.

The first part of being confident is believing in yourself. Your background, faith, family, friends, education, morals, values, dreams and all the other parts of your life that are important to you make you who you are - a special (and unique) person with limitless possibilities.

Knowing that there is no one else in this entire world like you should help you realize how fabulous you are. If that doesn’t help, think of three things that you like about yourself as a person. Are you a leader? Do you enjoy serving people? Are you a role model for somebody special? Sometimes when I feel the worst about myself, I list a few things I like about me, remembering that I can’t compare myself to anyone else because there is no one else like me.

My roommate practices this all the time. Whenever someone pokes fun at her she always says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about; I am the definition of cool. I am the only Taylor (last name), and that’s all that matters.” (We laugh, but we’re all secretly jealous of her attitude.)

The second part of being confident is believing in your abilities. Whether or not you admit it to other people, you know that there are specific things you do well…or least better than most. These talents are important, so be proud of them! You have something to contribute to the world, and that’s a really cool thing.

So here’s the second part of the exercise. Once you’ve pumped yourself up with three things you like about you the person, start thinking of your gifts. Do you sing like an angel? How about that photographic memory? Or are you forgetting about your fabulous fashion sense?

By the way, it doesn’t matter how dumb your gift feels! I have a friend who can fit her whole fist into her mouth, which I know that doesn’t seem like much, but whenever I’m down, just watching her do that silly trick makes me laugh- every time.

(If all else fails… fake it ‘til you make it! If you keep pretending to be the most attractive, intelligent, confident person in the room, then everyone else will believe you- and, pretty soon, you will believe yourself.)

Now that we know what confidence is, let’s discuss what confidence is not. Never confuse self-confidence with cockiness. Remember how self-confidence is “believing in yourself and your abilities?” Well, Princeton defines cockiness as “overly self-confident or self-assertive” (key word being overly).

To boil this down to plain english, confident people appreciate themselves and their potential, cocky people think they are better than everyone else. Confident people don’t compare themselves to anyone else…which is precisely what makes them confident in the first place.