"Liquid Confidence"

“Blame it on the Goose; got you feelin’ loose..Blame it on the al-al-al-al-alcohol.” (“Blame it on the Alcohol,” T-pain and Jamie Foxx)

No wonder this song stayed on the charts so long! Besides the fact that it gets annoyingly stuck in your head for hours, it’s the basically the mantra of high school and college students across the country!

It’s a little thing most students like to call “liquid courage” or “liquid confidence.” It’s a little thing I like to call… “pathetic.” Seriously.

Alcohol is like the “catch-all” excuse for everything. You hooked up with huge mistake? You let out a friends’ deepest secret? You did something embarrassing and looked like a complete idiot? It was all the alcohol’s fault.

On the same token, so many people I know need to drink to have confidence. Whether it’s to flirt with their crush, ask someone on a date, or just to have fun at a party without being self-conscious, too many girls and guys need a boost from the bottle.

That’s not okay.

My neighbor is breathtakingly beautiful. She had a long-running national commercial and is a decently high profile person at USC; as a matter of fact, I’ve always wanted to look like her, to get attention like her, to be noticed like her.

But this girl, who I always think is out of every boy’s league, believes she needs to be drunk every single night she leaves the house (or in the afternoon if she is hanging out with an attractive boy).

It’s ridiculous to me that this phenomenal girl needs “liquid confidence” just to be comfortable around a guy! Sure, I know it’s easier to be fun and flirty, but shouldn’t he like you for who you are when you’re sober?

Don’t you have enough to offer the world without having to add alcohol to your list?

Confidence and Materialism

Is confidence a pair of Prada boots? Can you find it in a brand new convertible Porsche? How about in the pocket of a crisp new pair of designer jeans?

Self-confidence and materialism tend to go hand-in-hand in today’s society. I mean, I know whenever something bad happens or I’m in a negative mood about myself the first thing my friends do is grab my hand – and then reach for the credit card.

One trip to the Grove (my favorite mall), two scoops of ice cream, and three chick flicks later – I’m feeling much better about my situation in life.

Or it could be the other way around! I can’t even count how many times I’ve used this method to help further along a crush I’ve had on some random guy. According to my friends, you’ll get a lot more attention in a new pair of pumps than if you even wear a sign on your neck in big red letters that says, “NOTICE ME!”

I don’t know if I’d go that far, but let’s be honest; you do walk a little taller in some new high heels. It’s that whole “new dress” theory: you look a lot better in a new dress simply by virtue of the fact that it is new.

My mom was actually the first person to teach me this “fact of life” – and, let me tell you- it has worked like a charm.

My eighth grade boyfriend, a very serious boyfriend at the time, might I add, because we “went out” for over eight months, broke up with me after school one afternoon in front of all my friends. Needless to say, as a dramatic 13-year-old, I was devastated.

So devastated, in fact, that I consumed one large Oreo McFlurry and two Super-Size orders of french fries from McDonalds that night – which is never okay. This is when my mother gave me some tough love and a much needed intervention; in order to save my love handles from my love life, she took me to the mall.

“I don’t understand how this is going to help,” I remember asking her. And she reassured me that a new outfit for the Friday football game would make all the difference in the world.

And, as usual, she was right.

I strutted my pre-teen self all around the stadium that night in my new shirt and brown boots, and I felt like a new woman. Not to mention the fact that by midnight I had several new beaus and a very repentant ex, but that’s beside the point.

Lesson learned: new clothes equals new attitude.

Okay, let me just insert my opinion here. While I have to admit that I love clothes, shoes, purses, and just about everything to do with the fashion industry. I cannot support the idea that material possessions get you anywhere in life.
I’ve learned the hard way that all those boys did not notice my fabulous brown cowboy boots; they noticed the confidence I had when I wore them.

Trust me, you will never hear a man say, “I knew I loved her when I saw her wearing those Chanel pearls.” What you will hear them saying is something to the effect of, “When she walked in, she just lit up the room. That’s when I told my friends I had to meet her.” Sound familiar?

Put the Nordstrom card down and back away from the register! Now it’s my turn for an intervention.

Give your credit card a break and strut your stuff because you have a reason to – a reason that has nothing to do with your new Tory Burch clutch and everything to do with who you are as a person. Show ‘em what you got!

Plastic Surgery Promotes Confidence?

Can plastic surgery help increase self-esteem? Heidi Montag, Ashley Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Ashley Tisdale: all have claimed that plastic surgery gave them the boost they needed to feel good about themselves and further their career.

Some have a completely negative view on cosmetic surgery. They say it’s trashy – or at least unnecessary. But I have several friends that have had some form of enhancement, and they each did it for respectable reasons.

One of my very best friends got breast implants the summer before she came to USC, and until she told me this year, I had absolutely no idea. She is, in my opinion, the perfect example of a classy girl who did it for her own confidence.

“I could never find clothes to fit me,” she told me, “It honestly had nothing to do with boys and everything to do with how I felt about me body. I just wanted to be proportionate, and no one knows I got them done except me, my family, and, like, 3 or 4 of my closest girl friends.”

When I asked her if the surgery actually improved her self-esteem she said, “Most definitely! It’s all about the way I walk into a room. I like the way I look in clothes, and that affects the way I carry myself now.”

One of my roommates is planning to have plastic surgery on her nose over Christmas break this year, and she has very similar feelings about this issue. “I could care less what other people think about me!” she said, “I just hate looking in the mirror and only seeing my big with nose!”

(For the record, I don’t see anything wrong or ugly about either of these girls. In my opinion, they are both stunning. These feelings are theirs alone.)

From celebrities to college students, plastic surgery has helped some girls feel better about themselves if done for the right reasons. While I am not promoting the idea of plastic surgery, I though this was an interesting topic to discuss.

Media-Savvy Experts on Confidence

After searching through hundreds of scientific journals about what the experts have to say about self-confidence and its relationship to success, I thought: why look any further than mainstream media to discover experts on self-confidence?

Celebrities live under microscopes are constantly bombarded with criticism, but somehow they continually rise above the gossip…straight to the top of the music charts and box offices. Let’s look at two strong, media-savvy women who have spoken up recently about the importance of self-confidence.


Shape, one of the most popular women’s magazines on the market, showcased Jennifer Love Hewitt on their cover this month…and guess that their feature article was about? You guessed it! Self-confidence.


Hewitt shares her tips on how to get confidence – and how it has affected her life. She says that feeling good about herself physically helps her feel confident about herself – which is what matters in the entertainment industry.

She started the interview by sharing that she doesn’t feel confident all the time. She told Shape the she has days where she looks in the mirror and says, “Ugh, really?!?” I’m sure most readers are like me and think: I would never think that if I looked like her, but her down-to-earth attitude helps make her advice relatable.

Some of her best tips to looking good and feeling even better? Hewitt says to make healthy living a priority in your life, don’t obsess over your weight, encourage yourself, find a creative escape, and add a spark to your workout.

Her emphasis on a positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle helps motivate her to keep going when the pressure is the worst. Even though most of us aren’t in a showdown with the paparazzi every day, we all can use her tips to help us face our daily stress and pressures.

Sure, we all need confidence to get us through class assignments, societal expectations, and tiffs with the people us, but what about when people personally attack you? Well, Jessica Simpson had a thing or two to say about that after a tasteless commercial aired on Fox bashing her.

The commercial featured several Dallas Cowboy football players making fun of Simpson’s weight gain after her breakup with Tony Romo. When asked about how she felt about the national commercial, she said that she would not let it affect her because she has too much self-confidence to stoop to that level.

“Self-Confidence is something my parents instilled in me at a young age,” she said. Her “self-confidence” speech aired on every celebrity news show this week (which means her voice influenced thousands of viewers).
Scientists can study self-esteem all day wrong and fill volumes and volumes worth of scientific evidence and experiments, but their voice impacts only a fraction of the people compared to people in the public eye.

Every single person, no matter his or her age, socio-economic status, race, or religion, faces stress and criticism in his or her daily life. That’s one of the reasons why it is so important to point out positive role models in the media, like Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson. They are experts in the field of self-confidence and have practical advice for how to manage those pressures.

Better Self-Esteem in Just One Week!

Character Counts!, a national organization that provides character education materials and training for groups, teams, and schools, has announced the dates for the annual “Character Counts! Week.”
Thousands of schools and organizations around the country with host special events on October 18th – 24th to celebrate this special occasion. The week focuses on children and the adults that serve as role models in their lives.
Students will make crafts like beaded bracelets, posters, books, and t-shirts that illustrate the “6 Pillars of Character.” These pillars represent the most important traits, according to Character Counts!
When they’re not being artsy, boys and girls will have character-building exercises disguised as games. Obstacle courses and trust falls pave the way for students to learn character and leadership in a fun atmosphere.

Most groups plan to have guest speaker give life stories challenges to all the children as well. Senators, past presidents, athletes, entertainers, teachers, and coaches have all volunteered to use their voice to make a difference in the kids’ loves all across the nation during this special week.

Anyone can go on the website and register to be a part of the program. Just fill out some information, and Character Counts! will send you everything you need to plan a successful event.

The organization provides everything from crafts and activity ideas, to prizes and party favors for kids, to t-shirts and other apparel, to lists of names of potential people who can contribute to the week.

In my opinion, this is an amazing opportunity for people to get involved in making a difference in the community. Anyone can serve as a role model, and one day out of your life could make a world of difference to a child. Something as simple as serving them drinks with a smile or helping them string character bracelets can have a huge impact on the importance of positive character traits in their lives.

But it doesn’t stop there.

I know whenever I serve someone else, I have a warm, fuzzy sense of accomplishment, and all the people I know say the same thing. You feel good about yourself when you do something kind for other people!

So, if you’re looking for another way to increase you confidence level, to get a perspective check on your life, or just to make a difference, Character Counts! week is a great place to start.

"Isn't She Lucky?"

Let’s take a walk down memory lane for a few minutes – back to a time when butterfly clips, belly shirts and tattoo necklaces were actually in style. My biggest concerns in life seemed to be music, boys and fashion, and I was spending most of my weekends scouring through J14 (one of the trashiest of teeny bopper magazines ever created) and the Disney Channel (because I wasn’t allowed to watch MTV) to define all that was “cool.”

During my most formative years in the 1990’s, Britney Spears was the biggest entertainment icon in the world. I wanted to be her – with her cute little haircuts, bubbly personality, and, not to mention, her beautiful N Sync boyfriend. While 13-year-olds like me thought Britney Spears had the most perfect life anyone could imagine, she told the world a different story with her release of the song “Lucky.”

While the song climbed the Billboard charts and the music video skyrocketed to number one on MTV, most girls missed her all-too-apparent message: fame and fortune are not everything in life. Check out the full song and the music video.

“She’s so lucky, she’s a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart thinkin’
If there’s nothin’ missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?”

I think I missed the point when I was younger. I still thought Britney had everything I wanted in life, but I was obviously wrong. If she had all the things I didn’t have - like fame, money, popularity, beauty, the perfect body, the ultimate boyfriend, etc - then what on earth could be missing?

When I hear the song now, I think one of the biggest answers to what she lacks is self-confidence (and all the things that come with it). Other people told her how to think, what to wear, what to say and who to be. No wonder the child has such a messed up life now! She had no confidence, which means no independence or self identity, and that leads to a very lonely and unsatisfying life.

When other people, whether it’s friends, family, the media or you own personal entourage define your life, your confidence depends on their opinions.

I had a very similar experience with a guy friend at lunch today. He judged the appearance of every single girl that walked into the restaurant, but he never had a positive thing to say. “She has potential…once she has a little work done.” “Wow! Once she goes under the knife she’ll be a real catch!” “I thought she was attractive, but once she walked closer, I realized she needs to shed a few pounds.”

Seriously?! No wonder girls struggle with self confidence!

When we let other people (boys, especially) define our beauty, we surrender our ability to think for ourselves. Then, no matter how smart, successful, talented, and accomplished we are, we lose the self-esteem that makes life worthwhile.

So, as we stroll back toward the future, let’s learn a lesson from the legendary Miss Spears. No matter how “lucky” you are in life, you can never be completely fulfilled until you have confidence. And you can never have that confidence until you take it into your own hands.